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Have an affair- it’s so not worth it

Hello blogville, how are you all doing? I’ve had a busy week and not made much blog rounds, I do miss reading fellow bloggers thoughts but I shall be back.


Having been around a few couples who fell into this category, my conclusion is it’s so not worth it, regardless of the thrills that was felt at the time of the affair, everyone I know who have found themself in this situation will honestly tell you at the end that it was worthless and they have lost far more after the affair, some not just their spouse or family, but their own emotional and spiritual security.

 Perhaps the most heart-breaking one I’ve been around was this young family, they were a perfect family, husband and wife had successful careers and they have beautiful children, they visit my family often as they saw my mum as a mother figure since they live in a foreign land away from their families, I particularly liked this couple, at the time they used to visit us, I was in my late teens and always looked to them as the ideal family.

 Fast-forward about 5 years later, I was going for a run and I thought I saw somebody that looked like the man, he looked dishevelled, wearing a stained T shirt and was smoking a cigarette, iro o (No) this can’t be so and so, I thought to myself, I’d already jogged past him so curiosity got the best of me and I walked back, standing face to face with him now, I shouted bro ….., what is wrong with you? honestly I did not recognise this person in front of me, this guy used to dress to his nines, he is a tall handsome man but the person standing in front of me was far from all that, if he wasn’t someone I knew, I would easily have thought that he was mental, he had lost so much weight, hair uncombed, dirty clothes and shoes, red puffy eyes.  A part of me was still hoping it wasn’t him until he called out my name, I asked after his family and he told me he doesn’t see them anymore, iro o, kilo shele (no, what’s happened?).

I will try to shorten his story, his wife had an affair, her excuse was that they got married when she was 23 and she felt like she never got to experience life, so now, she wants to experience life, she’s pregnant for the man she was having an affair with and has moved out of their home with the children, it was hard to get my head round what he was saying but I was also concerned for the state he was in, since we were not far from my house, I asked him to come home with me, he lit another cigarette and we walked back to his car which looked like a trash can, boxes of half eaten McDonalds, pizza’s e.t.c, I was close to tears, this is bro …? How life changes.

On getting him to my house, my mother had the same reaction if not worse, she just could not believe it, he repeated the story to her,  I thought my mother would be sympathetic but she blasted him o, she told him because of a woman you want to go crazy, I was surprised as I thought, I brought him here so you can help him and you’re raining abuses on him…Hehehehe, she later told me she had to be drastic as he’s clearly slipping into depression, anyway, she cooked for him, told him to freshen up e.t.c, then told him to come and see her every day, he knew not to disobey because the woman will show up at his door whether he likes it or not, the next she did was call his mother to ask if they were aware of the situation, they did not realise the seriousness of it as they thought it was a minor disagreement, she advised his mum to come and look after him, she did and that made all the difference.

 At another time, I bumped into the wife and the so called boyfy, to say I was disappointed was the least, the boyfy looked like one omo garage, with dishevelled plaits, I looked at the woman and thought, this is a true fall from grace, that you would leave a man like your husband to this, cut a long story short, the last I heard, boyfy has left her and she’s now a single mother of children from her marriage and the one with boyfy, bro…. is doing alright but he’s not the same man.  I can’t help wanting to ask the wife why she broke up such a lovely home and if it was worth it.

 Granted marriage is not always a bed of roses, there are times you will feel weary and even bored but I wish those who go on to have affairs will ask themselves before they get into it if it is worth it? What about your children, how would it benefit them? And you claim to love them unconditionally yet you’d let your selfishness override the decision to protect them.  If you know anyone having an affair or in one, please let them know it’s so not worth it, for the sake of not writing a post too long, I won’t add another example, if you have other examples, do share and if on the contrary you don’t agree that affairs are not worth it, do feel free to share also..

Proverbs 6:32 He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.

Bukky Apampa is a wife, a mother, a daughter and a sister :-) She loves God and loves to write, I am particularly passionate about relationships and I can be quite opinionated but always interested in other people’s views, I actually enjoy reading and listening to other’s views as it often challenges me that sometimes in this world, life is not always black and white, there are many shades of grey.

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6 Responses to Have an affair- it’s so not worth it

  1. So on point! Need I say more? The grass always seem greener at the other side *shakes head*

  2. Simply mee says:

    My hubby was the first person to read this, he was so annoyed at the lady..at 23..so young?…when 18yrs are getting married?….for somebody less than her hubby sef!..mscheww! If pesin wan chop frog, e go chop the one nah get egg!
    SEX! yes, it was all about SEX!…nothing else!..pure LUST!
    Like i always tell both females and males, nobody is worth dying over! If dem wan go, let them go! Life continues…haba! Thank you and your mummy for calling his mother.
    When 2 elephants fight, it is the grass that always suffer!….expect in cases of wife battery …or the spouse life is in danger, i don’t encourage women to leave a marriage because of the children, esp at a tender age, they need both parents to face the harsh realities of this world..it is not easy to be ALL for the children…there will be deficiency in some areas.
    Listen, just like the first commenter said, the grass is always greener at the other side….until, a woman is divorced then some certain realities will begin to dawn on her…it takes a woman of strong stamina, and determination to overcome with family support, and it is a bonus if she is financially sound.
    Every human being have their flaws…NO MAN IS PERFECT! Forget romance novels abegy! :D
    Why women have affairs,well, in Nigeria, i observed that , MONEY is the first reason some women cheat on their husbands…i know of a woman who began sleeping around with other men when her husband business crumbled and he could not give her the things she was used to, and she had to. She was planning to leave him, before they moved out from our estate. Another is SEX…i know of another woman, whose husband does not satisfy her, so she is cheating with another married co-worker. I asked a younger wife why, she said because her husband is always traveling, for months he would be away on a business trip abroad.
    Another interesting topic Bukky.

    • bukky apampa says:

      Thank you Ibhade, I can always count on you to give a good feedback and thank Oga for gracing my blog o, much appreciated. My thoughts exactly that @23, she was not that young especially when she decided to make this flimsy decision at 30, 7 years later o, for whatever reasons these women have affairs, it’s not worth it! as you said the effect of a broken family on children is immense and when done for such silly reasons makes me question the parents so called love for their children. Hope you had a lovely Eid.

  3. Toinlicious says:

    It’s never worth it jere. I have a friend who’s hates his mom and rightfully so. We might not know the whole story but the excuse was that he wasn’t making as much as his peers so she upped and left her husband with her 4 boys (the last one was like 2 or 3 years)

    Now, she’s begging to come back and my friend (who is the 1st born) is having non of it.

    • bukky apampa says:

      That’s the thing, these people don’t think about the effect this will have on their children. I hope your friend finds it in his heart to forgive her so he’s not carrying the burden of unforgiveness. Thanks for stopping by Ms Toin.

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