Hello blogville,
Isn’t it a a lovely day today, it’s cold but the sun is out, me love the autumn season, at least it’s not raining 
On to my tori of the week, I smiled amusingly as I listened to a bride to be lament that her fiancee is planning to invite his ex to their wedding, in my matter of fact attitude, I said if you’re not happy about it, tell him. She didn’t want to seem like she is jealous about a relationship that was long finish, according to the fiancee, inviting the ex is like inviting any one of his friends as they’ve remained good friends since the end of their relationship.
Personally, I don’t keep in touch with exes, not that I’ve had many *tongue in cheek* As far as I’m concerned, there was a reason the relationship didn’t work, so have a closure and move on. I also could never understand this staying friends with exes business, you had a relationship that went beyond friendship so how do you go back to just being friends eh if it’s not that you’re hoping for more, say in the future or one person has not totally come to terms with the end of the relationship, I’ve always thought people who stay friends with their exes are not ready to move on yet or something. But saying that I have 2 scenarios I’d like to share.
One is a friend of my family who stayed friends with his ex, as a result of this, every time either of them gets into a new relationship, one way or the other, they always manage to break each others relationship up and end up together only to break up again few months down the line, I mean they did this for 10 solid years. Neither was able to move on with other people, when close friends have advised them to completely cut off from each other, their defense is that they’ve always being friends and will always remain good friends. in fact, I tire for them.
The second scenario is a dear friend of mine, who dated a friend but then didn’t work out and they broke up, they remained friends, the guy always calls her to complain about his subsequent girlfriends and she was always there for him, 5 years after their initial breakup, they got back together and are now married with a beautiful family.
So it’s kinda difficult to judge I think. However, in a situation where one person is about to marry another, why do you want to remain friends with an ex? except you’re the type who is disciplined enough not go and be talking about your spouse to the ex especially if the ex isn’t married yet too. Doing this, you leave room for trouble in your marriage o, if you and wifey or hubby are going through a tough time and aunty or uncle nice friend shows some old or rekindled interest, you could start getting ideas.
I’ve had a few good male friends during my single days, not even exes, whom when they got married stopped being my friend, one was gracious enough to actually tell me that his wife was not happy with our friendship hence, he won’t be in touch as much anymore, I actually respected him for this because another one who I was even closer to just cut me off like that, then I called him thinking something was wrong only to meet with a very cold response, kai I was embarrassed o, needless to say that was the last time I made such a call, but now as a married woman, I respect these decisions, if my husband has a female friend that I’m not comfortable with their friendship maybe I would have wanted him to react in the same way but thankfully most of his female friends have transitioned to become my friends and they’re lovely women (I know some are reading this, so send my brownie points later )
So on the original topic, I didn’t think he should invite his ex to the wedding especially if the bride has a problem with it then again, there are people who are of the opinion that it’s not a big deal. what do you reckon? as always, I love reading your take on things. Have a fab weekend.
Bukky Apampa is a wife, a mother, a daughter and a sister She loves God and loves to write, I am particularly passionate about relationships and I can be quite opinionated but always interested in other people’s views, I actually enjoy reading and listening to other’s views as it often challenges me that sometimes in this world, life is not always black and white, there are many shades of grey.
I am with u on that. I don’t think exes should remain friends n he shouldn’t invite his ex for his wedding. http://Www.secretlilies.blogspot.com
Thanks Ibifiri.
The word E-X means past………so it should remain in the past!
I have heard of embers rekindling to a full fire after stroked for sometime ……if a fire wants to be fully quenched, several buckets of water are poured on it that there will be no chance for it to rekindle no matter how hard they try!
…so yes, i agree with you…ex is E-X..period!
Yup! An ex is an ex and should remain an ex forever. I wouldn’t keep friends with my ex for anything no matter what might have caused the break up.
So the lady should tell her hubby about how she’s not comfortable.
Thanks Simply mee.
Heehehehehe @ priscy, I read some strong emotions in your comment o
Thanks.
Some people remain friends, and if they can keep it at just that, it’s OK I guess and if the ex is invited and decides to turn up, shrugs…
Thanks Myne, I guess as you said if they can keep it at that.
I really dont think exes can be just friends because I think some feelings will still be there ………….subconsciously
However, I do think exes can be civil to each other. Life is too short and we never know when we’ll need someone to help us with something or the other.
hmmmm, NIL, I think if they keep in touch yes, I remember seeing an ex after a long while and honestly nothing came out of it o, I even questioned what I used to go gaga for about the guy sef
Thanks.
This is very risky oh, caution is sure needed. If Iyawo isn’t comfortable there is no point keeping quiet, she should tell her groom how she feels. The guy may be thinking she’s a cool wifey; meanwhile fire is burning her inside. Abeg, in this instance if it is seen as jealousy, it is allowed o jare. After all there’s an adage that says “better safe than sorry”
Thanks sykik, I do agree that she should make her objections known too.
I am friends with a good number of my exes, please don’t ask me how many…
Well, depending on the kind of relationship which all these people formed, we just never cross the line discussing or butting into each other’s new relationship and I for one never poke my nose into people’s relationship.
So in the case of this bride to be, is the relationship between her groom to be and the so called ex something she should be scared of, if no, then he can invite said ex to the wedding.
Thanks Lara, since you said not to ask, I have to now
so how many? *with cheeky grin* I suppose you’re right, if the relationship is non-threatening.
I am carrying last on this one but it’s better late than never. I don’t really think I have a problem with my fiancé’s ex girlfriend attending our wedding if I completely trust my fiancé. My wedding is up coming and my fiancé asked me if his ex could attend our wedding and initially I was agitated, I didn’t give him an immediate response. So the next time we discussed him, I asked if he invited her personally and he said no, so she must have heard from some of the friends they have in common. At that point I told him I didn’t have a problem with it.
Two of my ex-boyfriends in the past told me after we broke up the relationship that I should invite them whenever I am getting married and it’s not as though I am still close to them. In the end, I think it’s different strokes for different folks.
Sorry for the epistle….
Hi Atoskin, Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials, I love weddings, make sure you have a good time! I agree with you that it’s different strokes for everyone, I suppose if the exes are not close but they just want to attend your wedding, then that’s not a biggie, I think the bride in question may also not be comfortable with her fiancee’s friendship with the ex. Thanks babes and don’t worry about the epistle, write on:-)
This is a heated topic because most women are not comfortable if their men are friends with the opposite sex and they are excluded from the friendship. I am of the opinion that if you are friends with someone’s husband, or fiance, you should extend the long hand of fellowship to the wife or the fiancee as well. In a situation where you ignore the main madam in question and carry on with the man as if she did not matter, no matter the degree of platonic-ism-if there’s a word like that- I doubt if any woman would like that. That being said, like every other person posits, if she is not comfortable with the arrangement, she should tell the husband to be, and he should respect her feelings and not invite his ex. I don’t know about staying friends after a break up, but the past should be kept in the past where it rightfully belongs. Why string an ex along when you have called it quits? Not necessary except you have plans….
Its weird o
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it
as long as you are truly friends and not looking
for something else
Thank you Nigeriangal
Personally,i’d submit that it possible to remain friends but there has to be a serious level of discipline for that to happen.Lots of the time,when people remain friends with their exes,it’s because they’ve not had closure or are still in love with them or were not so much in love with them in the first place.However,to be on a safer side,it better if the exes stay in the past because some are just troubles waiting to happen.
Risky business. I won’t personally send an invite to my ex but if he gets to know about it and shows up, it’s his business. I think being civil is important though